I've never got the hang of thursdays . . .
I have had the worst week ever.
I'm serious. I can think of a few weeks that have come close to being as bad as this one, but nothing can beat it. I could handle it better if just one awful thing happened and I could get on with my life, but no. It's like being in a pit of terrible events that will never stop. Ever!
I'm sorry, that was a little over dramatic. I should probably explain myself.
So, Monday I stayed home from school because I still felt like crap from being sick over break. I couldn't stop coughing and I had a fever. Ack, I hate coughing. The other problem with being sick was I missed a lot of work at school. I also spaced both my pre-calc and spanish homework on monday night and I spent most of tuesday trying to finish it. No sucesss though, I turned it in half done.
Then, wednesday came along. I had a pretty standard crappy day, beginning with getting up super late and fighting with my mom before school. Then, this kid I don't have feelings for at all asked me to dinner. It was uncomfortable and far from flattering. This whole situation made me start to feel unusually lonely andI started to wish someone I had feelings for would make a move. Forgot my lunch, fought with my cousin, headache . . . blah blah blah. Another fight with my mom and an extremly boring pep band rehearsal later, I was so sick of acting like I wasn't pissed I just threw in the towel.
Of course, the night didn't end there. Tre long (and boring) choir practice that wouldn't end. So then, I went to talk to Matt because I needed to know what was going on friday. We were supposed to go to this dance, but he said he didn't want to go after all. I didn't much care about going because I wasn't even considering it until he asked me. In truth, I was sort of relieved I didn't have to go through all the crap one must endure when enjoy the ninth circle of hell, commonly known as high school dances. But then he kept giving me all these bullshit reasons why he didn't want to go, which was pretty annoying. They just made me feel not good, like . . . I wasn't incentive enough to overcome those reasons. My insecurity I.V kept throwing "Why would even think he might want to go with you?" 's at me. I know that's pretty idiotic but that's how I felt, probably just because it's been a bad week. The weird part is I wouldn't really have been bothered normally and it really got to me last night. I must have been giving off that vibe too, because he made this sort of effort to say it wouldn't kill him to make other plans, which obviously didn't help the situation too much. I tried to tell him I just wasn't in a good mood, but I think it bothered him even more and now he probably thinks I'm even more of a freak then I appear to be. We went to safeway after that and just messed around for a bit. I felt a lot better afterwards, but still not good. I got home at about 11:00 and stayed up until 3:30 doing homework.
Today started out a lot like yesterday, except I totally killed my shins in band after I tripped over the conductor's podium, which sucked. Still, I felt O.K until I read this thing Matt wrote last night about me. I don't even want to summarize what it said, but I got really upset and angry and wrote him an email trying to defend myself a little. I decided not to send it right away and try talking first; but he didn't really remember what he had said so I didn't give him the note right away. In all fairness, he probably did write it really late at night with out the benifit of cognitive thought. I shouldn't get all defensive before I know exactly what he meant. But it really bothered me! It basically confirmed all of my insecurities about last night. I must be a much worse person then I think I am.
*sigh* and now I'm here. Bitching about very superficial things and getting angry with myself for letting them get to me. Oh, and I'm listening to Everlong by the foo fighters, which is one of my favorite songs ever.
What will tomorrow bring? Hopefully something really awesome to make up for this horrid week. I shall have to see . . .
I'm serious. I can think of a few weeks that have come close to being as bad as this one, but nothing can beat it. I could handle it better if just one awful thing happened and I could get on with my life, but no. It's like being in a pit of terrible events that will never stop. Ever!
I'm sorry, that was a little over dramatic. I should probably explain myself.
So, Monday I stayed home from school because I still felt like crap from being sick over break. I couldn't stop coughing and I had a fever. Ack, I hate coughing. The other problem with being sick was I missed a lot of work at school. I also spaced both my pre-calc and spanish homework on monday night and I spent most of tuesday trying to finish it. No sucesss though, I turned it in half done.
Then, wednesday came along. I had a pretty standard crappy day, beginning with getting up super late and fighting with my mom before school. Then, this kid I don't have feelings for at all asked me to dinner. It was uncomfortable and far from flattering. This whole situation made me start to feel unusually lonely andI started to wish someone I had feelings for would make a move. Forgot my lunch, fought with my cousin, headache . . . blah blah blah. Another fight with my mom and an extremly boring pep band rehearsal later, I was so sick of acting like I wasn't pissed I just threw in the towel.
Of course, the night didn't end there. Tre long (and boring) choir practice that wouldn't end. So then, I went to talk to Matt because I needed to know what was going on friday. We were supposed to go to this dance, but he said he didn't want to go after all. I didn't much care about going because I wasn't even considering it until he asked me. In truth, I was sort of relieved I didn't have to go through all the crap one must endure when enjoy the ninth circle of hell, commonly known as high school dances. But then he kept giving me all these bullshit reasons why he didn't want to go, which was pretty annoying. They just made me feel not good, like . . . I wasn't incentive enough to overcome those reasons. My insecurity I.V kept throwing "Why would even think he might want to go with you?" 's at me. I know that's pretty idiotic but that's how I felt, probably just because it's been a bad week. The weird part is I wouldn't really have been bothered normally and it really got to me last night. I must have been giving off that vibe too, because he made this sort of effort to say it wouldn't kill him to make other plans, which obviously didn't help the situation too much. I tried to tell him I just wasn't in a good mood, but I think it bothered him even more and now he probably thinks I'm even more of a freak then I appear to be. We went to safeway after that and just messed around for a bit. I felt a lot better afterwards, but still not good. I got home at about 11:00 and stayed up until 3:30 doing homework.
Today started out a lot like yesterday, except I totally killed my shins in band after I tripped over the conductor's podium, which sucked. Still, I felt O.K until I read this thing Matt wrote last night about me. I don't even want to summarize what it said, but I got really upset and angry and wrote him an email trying to defend myself a little. I decided not to send it right away and try talking first; but he didn't really remember what he had said so I didn't give him the note right away. In all fairness, he probably did write it really late at night with out the benifit of cognitive thought. I shouldn't get all defensive before I know exactly what he meant. But it really bothered me! It basically confirmed all of my insecurities about last night. I must be a much worse person then I think I am.
*sigh* and now I'm here. Bitching about very superficial things and getting angry with myself for letting them get to me. Oh, and I'm listening to Everlong by the foo fighters, which is one of my favorite songs ever.
What will tomorrow bring? Hopefully something really awesome to make up for this horrid week. I shall have to see . . .
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