Wow! I'm absolutly exhausted today, though I have a reason. Yesterday was a VERY long day. I cleaned most of the morning, then went to set up for the dance my class hosted to try and get more money for prom. After that I went to mass and sang ect. Then I went to go get my family dinner before I had to go back to school to finish setting up the music for the dance. *whew*
Yeah, so my major stressful thing yesterday was the dance. I was put in charge of the music yesterday, after being told that Hyrum had some of it ready so we wouldn't have to do much. The way they wanted to do it was just not going to work, so I made an emergency call to Matt asking him for the music he used at the guys and dolls dance, which he D.J-ed. Thank god he brought it, or else . . . well, it would not have been good. I did feel kind of bad for Matt, because he had to stay the whole time because we used his computer.
Good news? We had a great turnout for a casual dance and made a lot of prom money. Bad news? When you are a D.J, people are complete bastards about what music is being played. You can never keep everyone happy and people cuss you out if you play a "crappy" song. Urgh. It's very stressful. I didn't dance at all and spent most the evening on the brink of being murderd because we kept having problems with how we routed the speakers and stuff. Ah well, it was an expeirience.
Another thing that has been bothering me; prom. Is it ethical to sort of oppose prom and still help put it on? I just don't have a desire to go. Everyone who is helping keeps trying to get me to go, but I just don't feel like it. I'm not saying I'd have an awful time, but there is a 99.9% chance that it won't be anything spectactular, and I don't care enough. On the other hand, I see people getting asked to it and sort of wish someone would. That's pretty hypocritical; not wanting to go but wanting someone to ask me. I guess its more about someone reaching out then what their reaching out for, or else I would want to go more. Which leads me to wonder whether I'd go if someone asked me. Deep down, I still really don't want to go, but honestly if someone asked me I would probably say yes, partly because I don't know how I could say no without being an elitist jerk and partly because I think I would just because someone actually asked me. This makes me feel very hypocritical, but whatever. I doubt anyone will even think about asking me, so I'm fine. My inner moral struggle about the ethics of prom has offically been thwarted. :)
But . . . who would I want to ask me???? There is one person, but I know for certain he wouldn't do it. I think we might have a good time, so this makes me a little sad. However, I don't know how I'd handle myself with him at a dance, or after it. There are a lot of expectations/traditions that go along with prom and getting asked ect. I don't think I would handle that situation well at all. And I really don't want to ruin what we have, because its nice, even though I secretly want something more. If he did ask me, we might feel obligated to try out being more then friends, then screw it up and just be . . . off around eachother. I hate this feeling! I really care about him, and there are plently of moments where I think we almost come close to being more then friends, but nothing ever happens and I'm not even sure if he feels the same way. I wouldn't sacrifice his friendship for a relationship unless I knew it would be good for both of us. It's a mute point anyway, because nothing will probably happen, and I'll never have to make that choice. Although, I think I honestly want it to, whihc bothera me.
Yeah, so my major stressful thing yesterday was the dance. I was put in charge of the music yesterday, after being told that Hyrum had some of it ready so we wouldn't have to do much. The way they wanted to do it was just not going to work, so I made an emergency call to Matt asking him for the music he used at the guys and dolls dance, which he D.J-ed. Thank god he brought it, or else . . . well, it would not have been good. I did feel kind of bad for Matt, because he had to stay the whole time because we used his computer.
Good news? We had a great turnout for a casual dance and made a lot of prom money. Bad news? When you are a D.J, people are complete bastards about what music is being played. You can never keep everyone happy and people cuss you out if you play a "crappy" song. Urgh. It's very stressful. I didn't dance at all and spent most the evening on the brink of being murderd because we kept having problems with how we routed the speakers and stuff. Ah well, it was an expeirience.
Another thing that has been bothering me; prom. Is it ethical to sort of oppose prom and still help put it on? I just don't have a desire to go. Everyone who is helping keeps trying to get me to go, but I just don't feel like it. I'm not saying I'd have an awful time, but there is a 99.9% chance that it won't be anything spectactular, and I don't care enough. On the other hand, I see people getting asked to it and sort of wish someone would. That's pretty hypocritical; not wanting to go but wanting someone to ask me. I guess its more about someone reaching out then what their reaching out for, or else I would want to go more. Which leads me to wonder whether I'd go if someone asked me. Deep down, I still really don't want to go, but honestly if someone asked me I would probably say yes, partly because I don't know how I could say no without being an elitist jerk and partly because I think I would just because someone actually asked me. This makes me feel very hypocritical, but whatever. I doubt anyone will even think about asking me, so I'm fine. My inner moral struggle about the ethics of prom has offically been thwarted. :)
But . . . who would I want to ask me???? There is one person, but I know for certain he wouldn't do it. I think we might have a good time, so this makes me a little sad. However, I don't know how I'd handle myself with him at a dance, or after it. There are a lot of expectations/traditions that go along with prom and getting asked ect. I don't think I would handle that situation well at all. And I really don't want to ruin what we have, because its nice, even though I secretly want something more. If he did ask me, we might feel obligated to try out being more then friends, then screw it up and just be . . . off around eachother. I hate this feeling! I really care about him, and there are plently of moments where I think we almost come close to being more then friends, but nothing ever happens and I'm not even sure if he feels the same way. I wouldn't sacrifice his friendship for a relationship unless I knew it would be good for both of us. It's a mute point anyway, because nothing will probably happen, and I'll never have to make that choice. Although, I think I honestly want it to, whihc bothera me.
posted by Sarah at 12:20 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home